


The End of His Pain

by KevinLazar



Series: Hiccup's Depression [1]
Category: How to Train Your Dragon (Movies)
Genre: Bullying, Depression, Gen, Suicide, Suicide Notes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-31
Updated: 2020-01-31
Packaged: 2021-02-27 11:14:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,380
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22486180
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KevinLazar/pseuds/KevinLazar
Summary: After five years of torment, Hiccup finally loses hope.
Series: Hiccup's Depression [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1617853
Kudos: 12





	The End of His Pain

**Author's Note:**

> A couple of warnings, this story involves a moderately graphic suicide, detailed descriptions of depression, and holds personal experience for me.  
> This is a crosspost from my fanfiction.net account.

Hiccup the Useless and Stoick's Little Embarrassment, these are just some of the names given to Hiccup Horrendous Haddock the Third, the Heir to Berk, during the first fifteen years of his life.

Every single day, he was tormented by those around him, crushing his spirit, making him want to end the pain, but he persisted. Each day, he cried out for help, hoping that someone would notice his pain, but nobody did. Each night, he struck every inch of his arms, legs, and chest as hard as he could, savoring the short bursts of pain that came with each blow. Each night, he would fall asleep once he finally grew to tired to continue his routine.

His body was covered in so many bruises, that one could no longer tell where one bruise ended, and the next began. He had adopted this routine over the past five years of torment. Pretty soon, he had only one thing to live for: Astrid. Although he one day hoped that he could marry Astrid, for she was the most beautiful thing in the world to him, he knew in his heart that she would end up marrying Snotlout, his abusive cousin. Still, he held that last shred of hope, and that is what kept him alive for all those years, until that one fateful day. The day that it all went wrong.

They had just faced down the Deadly Nadder in the arena, and Hiccup had nearly gotten Astrid killed, and she snapped at him, yelling, "Is this some kind of a joke to you? Our parents' war is about to become ours! Figure out which side you're on." Before storming out of the arena.

At that moment, Hiccup realized that he had lost that last bit of hope, and he decided he would end his pain. As he made his way home, he thought of his times with Astrid when they were younger, the feeling of her embrace, and he knew what he was going to do.

That night, he pulled out his dagger, and set it beside the paper on his desk. The last thing he needed to do before he set his plan in motion was to say farewell.

To Astrid, he wrote,

_Astrid,_

_You are the only reason why I survived these past five years, the only light in the darkness of my misery. You were the only one who never bullied me or beat me up, and for that, I thank you. When you snapped at me today, I lost that last piece of hope. It is not your fault that I am doing this, there is nothing you could have done to stop me. Please remember when you go forward with your life, help to stop others from going through the same pain that I went through. Even if you did love me, I would not deserve it, for I am no viking like Snotlout, the one who started this all. I deserved it today when you snapped at me, and that is part of the reason why I am doing this: to protect you from the damage I cause everywhere I go. I wish you a happy life._

_Your lover,_

_Hiccup_

To Snotlout, he wrote,

_Snotlout,_

_You are the reason for me doing this, and for that, I hope that you are happy that you succeeded in your goal. You were supposed to be there for me, as a cousin, but you never were. I feared seeing you, knowing that it would bring only pain. It is my wish that you will have to live with what you have done for the rest of your life. I hope that you are proud of yourself, for you have done something that very few have been able to: completely break someone's spirit. I wish you luck for when you are the chief.  
_

_Your cousin,_

_Hiccup the Useless_

To Stoick, he wrote,

_Father,_

_I know that we have never gotten along, and although I blamed you for many years, I now know that it was my fault. I was not the son you wanted, so please take another as your son and heir. I urge you not to choose Snotlout, but if you do, I give you my condolences. You were part of the reason why I was driven to this point. I tried to cry for help, but you never heard me. You were never there to hear me. Maybe if you had been there, you would not be reading this. I hope that you enjoy the freedom from your burden._

_Your son,_

_Hiccup the Disappointment_

And finally, to Gobber, he wrote,

_Gobber,_

_You were like a father to me for all these years. You stood up for me, protected me, and taught me, but I have failed. I am nothing but a burden to you and the village. There was nothing you could have done to stop me from doing this. Thank you for all that you have done for me._

_Your apprentice,_

_Hiccup the Burden_

And with his letters written, he folded them up, and made his way to die. He silently left the house, heading to Astrid's home, taking his dagger with him.

When he arrived, he knocked on her door. Her mother answered, and he asked, "May I talk to Astrid, I would like to apologize to her for today."

Astrid's mother replied, "I will go get her," closing the door.

A couple moments later, Astrid opened the door sleepily and stepped into the cool night air, wondering why Hiccup was there at such a time. He gave her the letters, and asked, "Would you please make sure that these letters arrive?"

And before she could react, he raised the dagger and sliced his throat open, before beginning to fall.

Stunned, she leapt forward, and caught him in her arms before he hit the ground.

Realizing what he had just done, she screamed at the top of her lungs, "Somebody get help!"

She saw him fading away, begging, "Hiccup, please, stay with me, help is on the way, just hold on," but by the time the first help arrived, he had already bled out.

When they arrived, they saw Astrid, covered in blood, holding the body of Hiccup, crying in pain.

#

The next day, Astrid delivered the notes, then read her own. As she finished reading it, she broke down and began to sob, wishing she could have done something for him, collapsing into a heap, unable to move for the next few hours.

When Snotlout first heard that Hiccup had died, he had been glad to have gotten rid of the loser, but when he read his note, he paled, realizing what he had done, and for the first time in his life, feeling ashamed of himself.

Stoick had been one of the first to arrive when Astrid had cried out, and as much as he wanted to, he realized that he couldn't tear her away from Hiccup now. When he read his note, he was in pain and shock; he had never realized that he had caused so much harm, and he resolved to become a better man.

As Gobber received his note, he already knew what it was, and when he read it, he realized how much he had meant to the boy who called him father.

#

In the center of town, Stoick bellowed a summons to all on the island. When they arrived, he announced, "Last night, a tragedy befell this village. My son, Hiccup, slashed his throat in front of Astrid, dying before anyone could arrive to help. Although Hiccup was not a typical viking, he was still a good man. We have all made mistakes, and now we must live with the consequences. Today, we will honor Hiccup's last wishes. In his letter, he asked me to name a new heir, and although it pains me to replace Hiccup, I have chosen Astrid to be the next heir, for she was there for him in his last moments. We will mourn Hiccup's death, and we will remember what we have done. We did not deserve to have him among us, and we will work to do so."

And with that, the crowd dispersed, preparing for Hiccup's funeral.


End file.
